THE BYSTANDER CHRONICLER: SE7EN

(NCS contributor Siddharth Darbha has become The Bystander Chronicler . . .)

INTRODUCTION

Back at the Man Cave, a.k.a., NCS HQ, we were doing the usual shit; plumbing, repairing cars and teaching Don Draper how to drink Scotch. Somewhere between the overdose of Methylenedioxymethamphetamine and the disproportionate ratio of LSD in our jam toast, a flash of light told us we have to feature seven bands that haven’t appeared on NCS yet, and pretty much blur the sense of reality we create for ourselves. We followed to the word. We are weak at math, but added roman numerals to compensate.

Most of the artists here don’t give a fuck about being metal enough. You have been warned. Also, somehow, through the alignment of all the planets from the CQ34R system, all except the first turn out to be instrumental bands, fitting nicely into our basic rule welded into the URL itself. Why did we chose these artists? We fear most of you are turning into serial necropedophilic rapists, and we need to calm you down. *Hypercool Dr. Evil grin*

I : THE HAARP MACHINE

We listen to a good amount of technical metal, and can tell when we hear a good one. Though their debut album is yet to release this year under Sumerian Records, we will hold our panties in a bunch until these Britishers (pictured above) throw those discs at us. Excellent note choices, good grooves and a weird middle eastern-ish ambient touch; they know what they’re doing. Here, to reinforce our opinion, we feature their track “The Escapist Notion” (immediately after the jump):

The HAARP Machine: “The Escapist Notion”

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/1-The-HAARP-Machine-The-Escapist-Notion.mp3|titles=The HAARP Machine – The Escapist Notion]

II : CHIMP SPANNER

His choice for a stage name might sound like he’s wanting a piece of that humour-with-metal package pretty much heralded by Bulb, but one listen to any of his tracks and you’ll know, he isn’t kidding one fucking bit. Chimp Spanner is one of those one-man bedroom projects. But, if that’s how good Paul Ortiz’s bedroom is, I need to get into his fucking house. Great fucking tones, beautifully syncopated melodies, motherfuckingly classy solos; the whole At The Dream’s Edge album is one big great mindfuck. Help him blur the line between your distinct emotions, and listen to this track, “Far From Home”, from his aforementioned album.

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/2-Chimp-Spanner-Far-From-Home.mp3|titles=Chimp Spanner – Far From Home]

III : KEITH MERROW

Another one-man bedroom project, we are yet to find out whether he named the project after himself, or he named himself after his project. Whichever way the milk spilt, he makes good music, damn it. Ranging from simple to complex, his sense of melody is something everyone must wish to have. A lot of electronic-infused constructs filled out with guitar passages, it’s pretty much a beautiful journey. To give you a taste of heaven, here’s the title track from his album The Arrival.

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/3-Keith-Merrow-TheArrival.mp3|titles=Keith Merrow – The Arrival]

IV : GOD IS AN ASTRONAUT

Anyone who listens to post-rock, will know these guys immediately. This is a tribute to that side of your personality that wants to go sit atop a hill and stare at butterflies in slow motion; a psilocybin-induced mass hijack of your senses. If you don’t dig slow shit, you should listen to them if only for such a super-sexy, muti-layered, thought-inducing band name. Available to stream here is the opening track off their self-titled album, “Shadows”.

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/4-God-Is-An-Astronaut-Shadows.mp3|titles=God Is An Astronaut – Shadows]

V : THE ALGORITHM

For starters, we’re in France now. Again, a one-man project, The Algorithm is the brainchild of Rémi Gallego. If you’ve noticed, the amount of electronic instrumentation has been increasing from the beginning of this post, and with The Algorithm, the music composition itself sounds digital. Some sort of trance-dance going on, but with a dark tint. Let’s hop right into his set, with this track off his CRITICAL.ERROR album, “Kernel Pt. 3”.

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/5-The-Algorithm-Kernel-Pt.-3.mp3|titles=The Algorithm – Kernel Pt. 3]

VI : COOKIE MONSTA

For those who’ve never heard dubstep before, and tend to hate those fluorescent-clad tripkids you see heading off to acid raves, we came up with this proportion equation to help you:

Djent : Metal :: Dubstep : Trance/Electronica

Turn the lights off in your room, except for a gentle flow, if you haven’t already, and turn the bass way up. Cookie Monsta is going to make you feel dirty from the insides. He’ll treat your ears as if you were the bastard child of the scum of the earth. ‘nuff said, here’s “Frontline” from his Maryland Chocolate Chip Mix.

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/6-Cookie-Monsta-Frontline.mp3|titles=Cookie Monsta – Frontline]

VII : CHRISPY

After you’ve had a taste of dubstep, the only intelligent thing to do is have a second serving. Chrispy’s music is crisp, for sure. He’s decently famous for remixing many famous songs for youtube, and remixing them good. After you hit play on this EP teaser for Predator, you have 26 seconds to reinforce your house before it goes down anyway.

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/7-Chrispy-Predator-EP.mp3|titles=Chrispy – Predator EP]