OK, yes, I feel like a dick. There is no actual NCS tour (at least not yet), merely my own hair-brained idea of humor. I could have just put up that spoof post today with no advance teasing, and everyone would have seen it for what it was, eventually, and maybe gotten a chuckle or two out of it. But no, I had to be a dick and put up a facebook status hinting that we would have news today of a tour sponsorship.
And that led to lots of heartwarming “likes” and comments and e-mail messages from people who thought this would be real and were genuinely excited and happy for us that we were sponsoring a tour. Fuck. I should have known.
So I’ve been feeling guilty over the last 48 hours over my dickishness. Guilt, for me, is a powerful motivator, and so I’ve been thinking of how I could assuage my guilty feelings. I came up with this idea, which does make me feel better, though “dickwad” may still remain my new name in the minds of many.
We are going to create and give away 100 black t-shirts with the fake tour poster you see up above on the front of the shirt (and a big thank-you to Dan Arena of Dormition Designs, the poster’s creator, for permission to do this). Yes, I said give away — we’re even paying the shipping charges. Details about how to get one of the shirts follows the jump.
Here’s the deal: These shirts will be made-to-order, which means we won’t have them made until all the orders are in, so we’ll know how many of each size we need. Unfortunately, we’re limiting this offer to people located in the U.S. and Canada — at least for now — just to keep the shipping charges manageable. However, if you live outside North America and want one of these shirts, please write me anyway, because we may decide to get more shirts and ship them internationally, depending on demand.
We’ll send one shirt out to each of the first 100 U.S. or Canadian residents who e-mail me with a request for the shirt. Yeah, these are free, but please don’t request one unless you really do personally plan to wear it; tearing them up and using the remnants to wipe your ass, tempting as that may be, isn’t what we’re trying to facilitate.
IMPORTANT: When you e-mail me, TELL US WHAT SIZE YOU WANT (S, M, L, XL, or XXL) and GIVE US A COMPLETE PHYSICAL MAILING ADDRESS (no PO boxes), including zip code or postal code. This offer will remain open until we reach 100 orders. When that happens, we’ll put up another post letting everyone know we’ve maxed out. We’ll also let you know if we decide to get more shirts for orders coming from outside NorthAm.
E-mail me at this address:
islander@nocleansinging.com
There. Now I feel somewhat better. I will also tell you that in about a month, there will be some very interesting news about the future of NCS that will include tour sponsorships, so stay tuned . . .
P.S. Those of you who actually read the comments that follow our posts will know where the fake band names come from, as well as the title to this make-believe tour. Thanks to NCS friends Phro and Trollfiend for creating or inspiring the band names with their comments, and thanks also to whoever posted that Finnish comment about our review of the new Blastanus album on the band’s facebook page, which Google Translate so perfectly rendered as “nail on the head, fucking good pancake.” And yes, Phro, I will send you a shirt even though you live in . . . a parallel dimension.
P.P.S. The lorises at the NCS Compound have never made shirts before. But they do have fingers, so I think it will work. Ima have to lay in a shitload of grubs though. Those fuckers won’t work for free.
34 Responses to “GUILT ASSUAGEMENT”
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Wait, are you sending out 100 or 200 t-shirts????
Also, I feel guilty about accepting anything free.
How about setting up a PayPal account to accept donations for NCS?
Or maybe even a “scholarship” fund for unsigned bands to record high quality demos?
Nice thoughts, and maybe something like that in the future . . . but I think we’ll stick with no-strings-attached this time. Drink whiskey. I find that usually makes my guilt feelings go away. Actually, I should have thought of that before. Would have been easier than negotiating with the lorises about shirts.
How about I write a review of the tour in exchange for a t-shirt?
Tell the lorises that if they don’t work, they’ll have to answer to Zalgo.
A tour review would be awesome! I’ll try the Zalgo motivator. The old rewards (grubs) and punishment (Zalgo) combination.
My fingers ain’t workin’ right this mornin’. 100.
Exciting news, message sent.
I have to say, although I did enjoy the parodic nature of the previous post, at the same time I thought to myself it was a shame to waste such a cool graphic design on an artificial tour poster. I really liked the “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die” artwork, so it’s a great idea to put this onto a t-shirt. Thanks!
PS: is parodic a real word?
It is now!
I’m not sure but I think I might’ve seen it at the beginning of Robot Chicken… although that doesn’t necessarily make it a word…
I think I may cry.
I’m trying really hard to assuage my own guilt over my involvement in this matter but it’s just…not…working. Maybe I’ll try the whiskey thing.
I’d suggest you chase the whiskey with plum wine. That’ll really get rid of your guilt.
Thanks, I’ll let you know how it penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis
I’m so glad I didn’t have some kind of fluid going down my throat when I saw this . . . would have been a massive choke experience for sure.
Dude! Penis, penis…penis penis penis….peeeeeenis, penis PENISPENIS!!!
It would get rid of your guilt, and the rest of your personality, too.
Personality is for blow up dolls.
I literally lol’d.
Greatest shirt idea ever!
Thank you! Can’t give enough credit to Dan Arena for the poster design. And he did it in less than 24 hours, too. The dude rocks.
It’s perfect.
This is one of those shirts I’m afraid to wear, but will probably wear it to a concert one day when I have transportation and a stable income, because I can’t exactly go to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner wearing this… I love NCS which is why I *NEED* one.
“I liked that blog * BEFORE* it had it’s own tour and scholarship program for bands.”
More likely you’ll be able to say, “I liked that blog before it went up in a ball of flames, never to be heard from again.”
Oh my gosh no!
Also I sent you an email from my FB account thinking it would go to your email address, but it went to your FB account under the name of I.s. Lander I think. If you need me to I’ll send you an email from my yahoo account.
I shall wear this shirt in public at least once.
You are a brave man. I actually expect most people who order these will simply sleep in them.
I will wear it in public…as long as my parental units aren’t around.
can’t wait for this shirt to come!
Cant wate to wear it thanks
I don’t think I have you on our shipping list. E-mail me with your address and size: islander@nocleansinging.com
Hope ya’ll got my shipping adress!
Yessir, I got it and you’re on the shipping list.
do you need my name for the package?