I was afraid it would come to this eventually.
Metal bands try all sorts of come-on’s in an effort to increase their Facebook “likes”. They ask politely. They plead and beg pathetically. They get their friends in other bands to solicit “likes” on their behalf. They dangle the carrot of a new song, or album art, or a track list, if their total “likes” reach a certain magic number.
These kind of inducements are too fuckin’ lame (or too tame) for Greek math-metal band Tardive Dyskinesia, who we’ve written about a lot at NCS. A few months back, they posted this status on their FB wall: “The next 38 guys who like us on facebook will win a lollipop licked from all the band members! What are you waiting for…!!” I’d already liked their page or I definitely would have gone for that. Just what I’ve always wanted.
But that was just a warm-up for a status they posted last week. I think you can guess what they offered. As “like” solicitations go, “we suck cocks for a like” was short, to-the-point, and very friendly. It was also the logical next level in “like” solicitations.
I’ve had fun watching the NCS “like” total increasing on our Facebook page. We crossed 1,000 “likes” last week, and that was definitely a good time, but it will probably take a while to reach 2,000 or even 1,500, because there’s a limited number of geniuses in the world. I’d like to get there faster. Taking inspiration from Tardive Dyskinesia, I’m now thinking about NCS offering blowjobs for “likes”.
But I don’t know. Would that seem too desperate? And do you really want to be liked by the kind of people who will like you just because you give them a blowjob? Is that really the basis for a lasting relationship? Or will those kind of people be fickle and just go like someone else the next time they get another cock-sucking offer?
It might be worthwhile making it a limited-time NCS offer, just as an experiment to see how many new “likes” we get. I just have to figure out which one among Andy Synn, BadWolf, and TheMadIsraeli will be best suited as the head of NCS offer fulfillment (or should that be the “NCS head offer fulfillment”?).
Or maybe I can persuade one of the ex-TNOTB people who’ve started writing for us. They have time on their hands now. I have my hands full running the NCS Department of Coarse Humor, so of course my participation is out of the question.
Hey, if you have any other ideas for a short, catchy FB “like” solicitation that doesn’t require sucking cock, leave ’em in the Comments, just in case our staff members don’t think this is such a hot idea. Also, we need something that would appeal to female headbangers. Offering to suck their cocks could be construed as an empty promise.
In the meantime, we might as well listen to some Tardive Dyskinesia. For a good time, go like their FB page. (They’re recording a new album right now, which is on my “highly anticipated” list for 2012.)
42 Responses to ““WE SUCK COCKS FOR A LIKE””
Leave a Reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Tentacle rides to the poop deck.
With our without skittles?
Get the fuck away from my taste of the rainbow or I’ll throat fuck you with a torch.
That sounds hot.
Haha! And sexy…
I’m too sexy for my throat….
Lubed up goat fucking. (Giving or receiving.)
Limit one per customer.
Dangit, only one?!
You don’t really want the likes, do you?
We only have so much lube in stock. Plenty of goats though. May have to degrade to un-lubed goat fucking.
Perhaps you mean upgrade? I haven’t really thought this through yet…but torn and bloody goat anus just sounds…refreshing.
Excuse me a minute. (bluuuuuuuurgh).
Whew, I needed a good vomit just then. Now I feel refreshed.
Phro – giving a new meaning to the word “goatse”. 😛
Dildo full of erotic fire ants.
“Soldier full of erotic ants”?
Five gropes of old, saggy man-tits. With or without hairy moles.
Giraffe rimjobs.
Free t-shirts. With fun stains.
I meant cum stains…but fun stains sound….fun.
Hey, I want whatever autocorrect software is on your phone. Anything that automatically changes “cum” to “fun” should be good for more laughs.
It also changes dildos to soldiers. Every time. WHY?! I NEVER TALK ABOUT SOLDIERS. I never stop talking about dildos.
A bucket of soldiers soaked in fun.
HAH! With goat lube!
Hugs!
Goddamnit, Phro… 😐
One shudders to think of how even a hug would be like from you.
Warm and squishy. Just ignore the roving appendages.
😀
Oh! One more!
We shit on your chest and rub our balls in it before ejaculating in your nostrils for likes.
Add some red bell peppers, corn, and peas at dinner for the holiday season.
I’d take the offer if not for the shit… Kinda allergic.
LOL “staff” “members”.
I wish I had done that on purpose.
Cock sucking is gender biased but buttsecks is universal.
“Will hump rump for likes”
We all about gender fairness here at NCS. Just found the new blog sub-header.
Is skull fucking universal?
Why yes, I suppose it is!
Good! Now I feel less sexist and more okay with myself. Thanks, fiendy! +)
I’ll give beejes for likes! extra dry and toothy!
“Extra dry and toothy”: You know the old saw about choking on your coffee? Just happened. Seriously.
Will make staff writers do the tumblr slut ‘duck face’ for likes.
HOLY SHIT!
Don’t be obscene.
I really hate this “like”-hysteria. I guess it’s for bands to show labels how many fans they have and how many albums would have the potential to be sold, but it doesn’t have anything to do with the quality of music anymore. It’s just about how obnoxious and irritating you can be to you friends and contacts.
Absolutely right. I haven’t looked for any studies to back this up, but I’m guessing that facebook has become a proven marketing tool, and so there’s pressure on bands not only to amass “likes” as if they were poker chips but then to spam facebook lickers . . . uh, likers . . . on a daily basis (or even more often). For someone like me, it’s a great way to find out important news and information about bands I’m following, but SO MANY facebook status posts aren’t newsworthy or informative.
Yeah most posts are shallow self-promotions, or requests to help them get more likes :/ We try to keep our integrity and focus on the musis and the industry.