Mar 142012
We already published TheMadIsraeli’s review of Napalm Death’s Utilitarian album, but it got trashed on Teufel’s Tomb for not catching the incorporation of sound styles from the band’s Diatribes album, so we’re pretending that review never happened. Instead, we’re going with Phro’s review.
49 Responses to “PHRO LISTENS TO “UTILITARIAN” BY NAPALM DEATH”
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Welp.
That’s it.
My reviews are shit compared to Phro’s. Time to quit.
I like your reviews because you’re a musician. You catch shit that I, as a non-musician, would never catch. I like everyone’s reviews on this site, because everyone notices and does a good job of pointing the special stuff that I usually completely don’t even know exist.
I fill that special niche of poopy jokes.
I SEE NO POOPY JOKES HERE DISSIDENT!
Errr…poopy jokes and falling down jokes??
Like a metal version of Laurel and Hardy.
Don’t quit. Despite the sophistication of Phro’s critique, he obviously missed the Diatribe references, too.
Sophisticated like a bidet at a TexMex restaurant.
I was thinking more like picking your nose and eating the treasures during a job interview.
Oh, come on, even Paris Hilton doesn’t do that.
Pubs on the other hand…
Also I don’t know what in the fuck that guy is on about. There is absolutely nothing on this album to communicate a Diatribes vibe whatsoever.
I honestly am not familiar at all with Diatribes (I’ve really only listened a smattering of their early songs and The Code Is Red…), so I don’t know if he’s right or not…but the fact that no one else in the world of metal seems to have noticed it seems suspect to me.
Also, Teufel is a shit starter, which is why I love his reviews. Particularly of albums he hates.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZP6SmZAhGk
Here is sort of the signature song off Diatribes.
The Diatribes song sounds way more punky to me than Utilitarian. Sparser, perhaps?
Also, Barney sounds much better (in my opinion) on Utilitarian…
Phro, it’s time to start your own video reviewing channel on YouTube. Y’know, get a director’s account on YouTube or something.
That would violate his exclusive NCS contract and I would have to sue his ass. But there is this:
http://www.youtube.com/user/PhroMetal
Sue my ass all you want, all you’ll get is payment in the form of poop and semen soaked gym socks.
Hahahaha! Your name made me giggle. Then it made me cry a little.
I am waaaaaaaaay to lazy to maintain a blog or channel by myself. It’s much easier to let Islander do all the hard work and I just occasionally drop shit for him to use. I’m kinda like the Easter bunny.
Or a dog in a sandbox.
I’m glad to see that NCS has maintained its professional standard of quality journalism in my absence.
Betty Ford Clinic? Cult deprogramming intervention? 30 days in jail for exposing yourself in public? Plastic surgery?
Yep!
The trifecta!! Er, rather, the quartofecta!
Technically a trifecta as the plastic surgery was court-ordered after I “presented my evidence” in the public exposure trial.
The court wasn’t impressed, huh? The warts probably didn’t help.
Wait until you see my review of the new Baby Metal album.
I haven’t decided if I’m joking yet.
Gosh, I gotta review it too. Been wanting to jump at the opportunity to troll something lately.
Phro needs to run a comb thru that “bird’s nest”
I was wondering how he got his hair to go from a droopy afro to a normal one. How does that go over in Japan?
I actually filmed (if it can be called that) the phroy part first and then combed my hair down.
If I comb my hair straight down right after a shower, it’s just super curly, but not phroy.
In Japan, everyone asks me if I have a perm. Which is pretty annoying.
Hahahahahaha! You have no idea how much I heard that as a wayward youth….ahhh…. The horrible old days.
I enjoyed that waaayyy too much!!!
And thats one of the pimpinest JewFros I’ve seen in years.
Thank you and thank you! It has a mind of it’s own. I’m pretty sure it’s trying to eat my brain for nutrient.
You couldn’t stay up in a pit where the only other thing was your WARDROBE DOOR?!
One could make the excuse of being tripped by one’s stuffed toy jerboa which can at least move. But you have no excuse – your wardrobe door was just standing there minding its own business!
Hahaha!
Come on, that door totally had it in for me!
Plus, I’m kinda a weenie.
How has no one mentioned that you’re a dead-ringer for 90s-era Jerry Seinfeld?
Whoah… gover’s right.
Who?
Gover the Govarian.
Choose! Choose the form of the Destructor!
Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
Are you a god?
When someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “YES”!
So YES!
If I could give you a blank stare right now, it would be the blankest of blank stares.
What the fuck are you all on about???
One word: Ghostbusters
Real wrath of God type stuff.
Man, that’s a big Twinkie.
It’s funny… there’s a friend of mine who is a HUGE Ghostbusters fan, and every Friday on Facebook (via his Twitter account) he posts Ghostbusters quotes for #GhostbustersFriday.
What a fine idea. There are hundreds of great quotes in that movie. Almost every line is quotable.
Ohhhhhh….
I don’t remember that movie at all…except the bukkake monster at the end. It has a foot fetish or something?
… what version of Ghostbusters were you watching? o__O
I don’t remember foot fetishes. I remember things like this:
http://collider.com/wp-content/uploads/Sigourney-Weaver-Ghostbusters.jpg