Naomi Wolf
For 2012 to date, the continental United States has turned into a giant microwave oven, experiencing the hottest year since record-keeping began in 1895. And the summer? Third-hottest on record, with 80 million Americans suffering 100-degree temperatures at some point. In other words, most of the country has been like the inside of a boar hog’s hot, sweaty anus since June.
I’ve been privy to a private memo from Dave Mustaine that makes clear this is not the result of “global warming” (lol) but instead a vicious well-concealed plan by the Obama Administration to pave the way for nationalizing all carbon-generating businesses in the U.S. and turning them into abortion factories. Dave nails the truth again. Do the research. I have.
Here in the Pacific Northwest, however, following a near record-tying stretch of consecutive glorious days without rain (49), the weather is starting to turn cooler, and the summer was nothing remotely like what the rest of the country has been experiencing. This is also an Obama plot — geared toward driving hordes of hot, sweaty, anus-like people from hot, sweaty, anus-like Red States into our region, where they will be outnumbered and neutered by latte-slurping socialists, leaving their former home lands vulnerable to takeover by Obama-loving people without birth certificates, thereby killing two birds with one stone.
And yeah, the birds I’m talking about are the freedom-loving American eagles, those magnificent scavengers of decaying flesh, preying on weaker creatures and fornicating in the air, one male and one female, as God intended.
And if it weren’t enough already that the country is under siege from within, we’ve once again become the butt of jokes by supercilious people looking down their noses at us from across the Atlantic. Where am I going with all this? I’ll tell you where I’m going. I’m going straight to the v****a, that’s where.
My UK-based NCS comrade Andy Synn posted a link earlier today to an article in some British rag called The Guardian taking iTunes to task for what they did to the title of a new book by Naomi Wolf. According to the article, under the headline “Vagina By Naomi Wolf Covered Up By iTunes”:
Apple’s iTunes store has starred out part of the title of Wolf’s new book Vagina, calling it instead V****a, and replacing the word throughout the book’s description. So, according to Apple, Wolf’s book is “an astonishing new work that radically changes how we think about, talk about and understand the v****a”. The author, writes Apple, “looks back in history and show[s] us how the v****a was considered sacred for centuries until it began to be cast as a threat”, and asks why “even now in an increasingly sexualised world, it is thought of as slightly shameful”.
I’m sure The Guardian and all the degenerates who read it got a nice self-satisfied chuckle out of that news. Once again, some snooty Euro’s are making fun of the good ol’ U.S. of A, like we’re a bunch of Neanderthal Puritans who are prudish about human sexuality (yuck!) and uncomfortable talking about the v****a, forgetting that we saved their f**king bacon in two world wars when all the v*****s in their own armies couldn’t.
I for one applaud Apple’s efforts to combat the increasing degradation and vulgarization of our culture. After all, there could be children of tender years searching iTunes for that Naomi Wolf book. Lord knows, the last thing we want is for children to be exposed to v****as. The next thing you know, they would be trying to use them, which is an awful thing to contemplate.
F*ck, I don’t know any adults who would want to search for that V****a book either, except maybe disgusting pervs. Who gives a sh*t about the history of the v****a anyway? All we need to know is how to find it when time comes to reproduce within the sacred bonds of marriage, and you don’t need a whole book for that. I mean, there’s two holes down there, and it’s got to be one of them, right?
Naomi Wolf seems to be stunned that her filthy book title has been censored by Apple. Hey Naomi, quit your whining and grow a pair! People have to make a stand against public use of the word v****a. If we don’t, in no time at all we’ll be just as broke and depraved as the Brits and the rest of the Euros and we’ll start seeing ads for perfume like this:
That’s right, it’s a short step from v****a to c**t, and that’s a totally rude and disrespectful word for something that really just shouldn’t be discussed at all, except maybe when you’re searching for the right word to call some assh*le of a dude.
Speaking of which, I see absolutely nothing wrong with iTunes failing to censor song and book titles that use the word “penis”, as in the song “Enormous Penis” by the band Da Vinci’s Notebook or “Penis I See” by Gwar. There is nothing disgusting or perverted about the penis. After all, it is what made this great country what it is today, plus everyone knows men talk about it all the time, and it’s all women think about, so what’s the big deal?
Though I’m backing iTunes all the way in their steadfast efforts to clean up our language and purge it of pornographic terms like v****a and f**k, I’m questioning their treatment of metal. When you look through the Cannibal Corpse listings, for example, you’ll see “Enrails Ripped From A Virgin’s C**t” and “F****d With A Knife”. What the f**k is up with that?
iTunes doesn’t seem to realize that extreme metal has no discernible effect on American culture. F**k, most people here have no clue that the scene even exists, beyond some kind of passing familiarity with the names Metallica and Slayer and maybe every now and then reading the wisdom of Dave Mustaine — who would never use the words v****a or c**t, even privately, and who has no need to use the word “penis”, because he is one.
So, I mean, it’s not like censoring metal titles on iTunes is necessary to preserve our rapidly eroding cultural standards and family values. Metal is just way too far under the radar to be worth f**kin’ with.
But this is a minor quibble, which barely detracts from the awesome stand iTunes is making to preserve our sacred culture and protect it from the occult scariness of the v****a.
Thank you for reading. I’m gonna go macturbate now.
48 Responses to “VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA PENIS PENIS PENIS”
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I’m offended by your repeated use of the phrase “hot, sweaty *nus”.
I see through your pretense of offense, since I’m pretty sure I stole that line from you.
Balls
Dick
Whore
Anus
Cum-dumpster
Self-flagellating piece of shitstained trash
Vagina, I mean, v****a.
Let me guess: you’re Canadian.
Damn right. Now if you excuse I’m late for my cousin’s wedding and yes, I am the groom.
Nice! I can’t believe I haven’t heard that joke before.
Joke? My family tree isn’t a joke, unless you like really sick and twisted ones.
I meant no offense. After all, Darwin and FDR married their cousins.
Nothin’ better than a murky gene pool, besides every wedding doubles as a family reunion.
If it helps a little, the book is absolute twaddle. New age-y self-help disguised as feminist philosophy, with a thin and easily deflated pseduo-scientific veneer.
The point still stands about you guys being afraid of the word “vagina” though. Did you catch the story of the female representative being removed from a political debate because she used the proper noun in a purely medical and accurate context, and was deemed to have been being obscene? Hilarious… ly sad.
You used “twaddle”, and I will not stand for that kind of thinly disguised reference to the v****a on this site. Also, and even worse, you used . . . that word . . . in all the ickiness of its six un-elided letters. There will be harsh repercussions for this.
Yay! Philosophy with a thin and easily deflated pseudo-scientific veneer! I’ll put this right next to Ayn Rand on my bookshelf.
Seriously though, Naomi F. Watts? Why is she doing this?
Oh… Wolf… I don’t even know who that is so I guess we can all forget what I said in the second part.
Think d*fferent.
I d**’t kn*w wh*t y*u me*n. Every****g I th**k is d*fferent.
This is just absolutely sick and disrespectful. How can you have a book called V****a? Does the author have no taste or respect at all for culture or rights or being politically correct? There are little kids out there that could see that word and start engaging in acts of coitus or old people that might have heart attacks or even worse engage in acts of coitus themselves. This woman is nothing but a concubine and harlot and should be ashamed. I am done with my rant, now back to listening to Prostitute Disfigurement and reading 50 Shades of Grey.
Thank you for your support.
Wait… what if old people engage in acts of coitus and have heart attacks because of this?! THIS WOMAN SHOULD BE DEPORTED!
Prostitute Disfigurement +1
” I mean, there’s two holes down there, and it’s got to be one of them, right?” Best to try both, you know, just to be sure.
Good point. I’ve always preferred trial and error over instruction manuals anyway.
I am so offended by all those asterisk’s right now..where do you people get off using that kind of language around me
You need to get your mind right, oh brutish one. The asterisk is the only hope of our civilization. Otherwise we will burn like Sodom and Gomorrah.
The Brute is right to feel a little offended. An asterisk is basically the symbol for the, um …chocolate starfish.
How does it really help civilisation to replace English alphabet characters in words with it?
Let’s see now, I’m assuming the chocolate starfish is the hole that isn’t the v****a. So, based on proximity, I see nothing wrong with using the asterisk as a representation of the v****a.
Oh. That’s fine then.
Naomi Wolf is a shitty awful rape-apologist, and is about as feminist as this blog post
Also this summer was fucking crazy weather-wise. Apparently the whole rest of the country is experiencing a severe drought, but here in Virginia we had at least 3 bad thunderstorms a week, often more. I guess all the rainclouds converged on this one spot just to be dicks
That’s weird. Virginia went Obama in 2008.
Are there any pictures?
Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s bad enough to spell v****a. But looking at one will be the end of you.
Actually I meant of the Virginia storms. Precipitation is such a rarity these days I’ve almost forgotten what it looks like.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVsZP8OrT6A
I started watching that but instead got distracted by the Robot Unicorn Attack music video that appears on the same page (at least in the mobile version).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4emknb-4VVo&sns=em
Oh and I do apologize for derailing the vagina/weather discussion but with a name like Robot Unicorn Attack I had to share.
There’s an awful lot of v****a in that Robert Unicorn Attack video. Can we go back to the weather now?
Naomi Wolf is a Rhodes Scholar. Look into that.
Okay, she’s not only good looking and writes about v****as, but you’re saying she’s also really brainy? iTunes clearly hasn’t gone far enough. They need to take the book down altogether.
You know what sucks? I dont get the joke. I haven’t been this confused since I read my first Phro comment.
I consider this high praise.
I’m confused, am I allowed to say cum guzzling road whore?
As long as you don’t used the word v****a.
It never ceases to amaze me that, when discussing European countries, ignorant Americans never fail to seize upon the, “buttts we saves youz inz th3 worldz warz!!!!!!!!,” argument. As if those actions are the end all to be all in the history of man’s existence? How about when the British saved America’s collective ass against the French in the French/Indian war? Or how France saved our butt’s against the British a short time later when we had our Revolution?
Pfft. Ancient history.
Bloody French, ruining it for everyone.
Why do you gentlemen suppose that this morbidcorpse individual is always so fuckin grumpy? I mean, one would think that if he constantly has issues with the things written here, that he’d stop reading the blog, right? Is’nt this something like going to a McD’s and eating a burger just so you can bitch about how shitty it is?
This question has occurred to me as well. However, based on another recent comment, I believe morbidcorpse resides in Flint, Michigan. According to an article I read (which is a little dated), Flint was once called “Vehicle Town USA” because it was the birthplace of General Motors and home to a huge Buick assembly plant, a major spark plug plant, and Fisher Body — but none of those things exists there any more. In the last three years, Flint’s finances have collapsed to the point that the city has had to lay off two-thirds of its police force. A sign taped to the entrance of police headquarters says: “Closed weekends and holidays.” Every weekday, the doors are locked at dusk. “Vehicle Town USA” has become “Murder City.” The murder rate there is worse than it is in Newark, St. Louis, and New Orleans. It’s even worse than Baghdad’s.
One cop interviewed for the article said, “We ain’t cops anymore. We’re librarians. We take reports. We don’t fight crime. If you break into someone’s house, we can’t hold you. If you’ve got a weapon or you’ve murdered somebody, then county will take you. I don’t see any light at the end of this tunnel. Only darkness.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/magazine/mag-17YouRhere-t.html?ref=magazine
So, where can I get some of that perfume?
It may be a while before that brand appears in department stores.
What a shame. I so wanted to smell rich.
s**t
c**k
c**t
f**k
v****a
vagoo