70,000 TONS OF METAL 2014: GOING WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO GO

Well, we’re way past the point where I could make fun of this floating, alcohol-soaked mosh pit like I did the first year it launched. 70,000 TONS OF METAL is now a proven success, maybe even on its way to becoming an institution. The question now is what can the organizers do to make a solid experience even solider? [hey, I found an online dictionary where solider is a word, so there]

They’ve thought of something. For the fourth edition of this heavy metal cruise, everyone who becomes a ticketed and paid passenger before July 27, 2013 will be able to vote on where the cruise will go.

The ship will depart Miami on January 27, 2014 and return on January 31. So I exaggerated in saying it will go wherever the fuck you want to go; this is called “editorial license”. For example, I suppose Krakatoa is out of the question. It has to be someplace the Royal Caribbean “Majesty of the Seas” luxury cruise ship can get to and return from in 4 nights and five days.

I think I’d vote for Cuba, which sounds more exotic than Biloxi, Mississippi or Muscle Shoals, Alabama, though it would probably be equally interesting to see how the residents of those places would react to a seaborne invasion by 2,000 metalheads.

Once again, there will be 40 bands on board, 7 of which have been announced so far. Check out the first 7:

 
Not too fuckin’ shabby, eh?
 
The organizers tell us that ticket prices start at US$666 plus US$319 taxes and fees per person and include all on-board entertainment, non-alcoholic and non-carbonated beverages, all meals at the dining rooms, most on-board restaurants, and 24-hour room service. This means that you will need to reserve an additional US$666 for alcoholic and carbonated beverages, plus bail money.