I got your soft serve right here. Dig in!
You know what “click bait” is, don’t you? You can’t spend any time web surfing without running into it. It’s like a dog turd on the sidewalk, except with ice cream on top to disguise the turd. It’s a way of writing headlines for web posts that will lure people into clicking through the links so the web-page proprietors will get more page views and earn a few extra nano-pennies of advertising. The headlines are always way over the top and sometimes downright false or misleading — the old bait-and-switch in the internet age.
I’m sick of seeing them on Facebook, even though I know what they are and never click on them. Well, almost never. I seem unable to resist any headline that includes the words “nude” and “Scarlett Johansson” in the same sentence. But maybe I’m being too moralistic.
I’m starting to see other metal sites use click-bait headlines. Maybe we should, too. Maybe people have become so inundated with this shit that if you don’t tell them whatever you’re writing about will make them cum immediately, they’ll figure it’s not worth their time. While we don’t advertise or make money from anything else we do, we do get a lot of psychic gratification from our traffic numbers. So maybe it’s time to join the crowd.
I thought I’d give you some test examples, just to see how it might go over. What do you think?
(Most of these are only slightly modified examples of click bait I’ve come across recently in my Facebook news feed.)
I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW AMAZING THIS IS! I AM IN TEARS, MAKE SURE YOUR SOUND IS TURNED ON!
SO BEAUTIFUL! THIS IS A VIDEO EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I’M SPEECHLESS
12 TIMELESS TRACKS (I LITERALLY DIED WHEN I HEARD #9)
It’s only one track, but it’s worth 12 of most other bands’. Fuck your #9.
SHOULD THIS BE BANNED? THE NEBRASKA LEGISLATURE THINKS SO.
VAMPIRISM IS REAL! PROVEN BY NEW SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE!
BLOOD CLOTS WHILE ON TESTOSTERONE THERAPY? LEARN MORE HERE!
SUPER HOT PICS OF GLEN BENTON THAT YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!
REVEALED! THE SECRET PRAYER SESSIONS OF FAMOUS GOD HATERS!
Why stop with one Glen Benton pic when you can have two.
HEIL HITLER! YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS FAMOUS METAL BAND’S SECRET SWASTIKA LOVE!
Yeah, I bet you thought it was going to be another metal band.
CUM IMMEDIATELY!
It’s possible you will actually cum when you hear this.
23 Responses to “CLICK BAIT”
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this was hilarious! 🙂 “click baiting” is getting pretty bad with several metal blogs and music “news” sites. i don’t need to name them, i think we all know who the worst offenders are.
Yeah, but the only reason to visit those sites is because they have one decent writer who knows her shit, but posts way too sporadically, and to read the comments section because its such an absolute disaster that you cant turn away.
They dont know their ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to actually talking about metal
You read my mind 🙂
Eh, it’s not always so bad… the bad articles are truly garbage but for instance if you head over there now it seems pretty decent. It’s just that the coverage on actual new music is horribly lacking; thus, we come to NCS 🙂
..what isnt so bad, the website of the comment section?
Generally speaking, I find the website to be not much better than your average TMZ gossip site…they really cover nothing of substance and seem unaware of any music that dosnt come from a big (or at least bigger) label
The comments section isnt always bad, and theres definitely posters over there who seem pretty cool, but overall its like the Nascar of metal sites…you dont go for good conversation, you go specifically because theres a high chance of a car accident
Hey guys! What’s going on in this thread?
Just swapping coded messages about our development of a pocket-sized cold fusion reactor WHICH WILL BE A REALITY BY YEAR END!
i’m still waiting for the pre-order link!
I made Islander’s head appear with this one weird trick!
Too obvious. No one would believe that.
Holographic head projector. BAM, using your own joke.
I demand royalties!
This is some quality click bait. With a little pay-per-click monetization you could be rolling in nano-pennies.
EARN MILLIONS WITHOUT EVER LEAVING YOUR HOUSE!
I would have liked the article if you had pasted more Glen Benton’s face, or if you used an animated gif of him screaming, that would have been the most awesome amazing wonderful thing in the entire universe.
Click baiting is annoying and not very high in journalistic integrity. I hate it. But to be honest, if the article is at least something original that the website is trying to entice you to read, that doesn’t bother me nearly as much as when they just recycle and regurgitate and repackage existing content, often in a highly abridged version or even just photos or videos taken from elsewhere and shoehorned into some stupid list. Buzzfeed and its unholy brethren are a sure sign of the coming end of humanity as we know it.
The only reason I tend to click on “click-bait” articles is because you know the comments section is going to be a car wreck and what can I say….I love a good case of schadenfreude.
..also, you cant put “naked” and “Scarlett Johansson” in the article and not follow through…NOT cool man
Wait, there are still other metal blogs?
Just kidding! I also still read Metal Bandcamp. There’s also this pretty good blog called Full Metal Attorney, but he basically just talks about My Little Pony these days.
MY LITTLE PONY LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN HIM! OR HER! OR IT!
Talking about Scarlett Johansson nude… I saw Under The Skin yesterday. I can see why some people didn’t like it, but I was utterly enthralled.
Also she is simply breathtaking in it.
I’d dearly love to see that movie. Glad you reminded me that I haven’t.
Also, that Nux Vomica album is SO AMAZING, especially “Reeling”.
You forgot the suspect philosophical quote written in size 16 font over a black and white picture of the person who supposedly said it in the corner and some of these headlines exceed twitters character limit and goddamnit, if we’re going to do SEO properly we need our headlines to fit within a twitter post – because people read those, you know.