LISTMANIA: CRETOS FILTHGRINDER’S 2014 ORCSENSUAL METAL ALBUMS

 

(HAIL GZOROTH! We filthy NCS human are pathetically grateful to Cretos Filthgrinder, provider of lead and crunchy guitars and utterer of gutturals and growls for A Band of Orcs, for accepting our invitation to share with us his year-end list. HAIL GZOROTH!)

1 Triptykon – Melana Chasmata

Tom G. Warrior should slay it all! Tusks up for the abysmal masterpiece that is Melana Chasmata. From the first ear-piercing guitar tone to the last oRcgelic female vocal, Melana Chasmata takes Cretos out of Hirntodia and into the maelstrom of Celtic Frost-style hooks and doom-inspired hauntings. Melana Chasmata very well could be the best offering since To Mega Therion.

 

 

 

 

 

2 Cannibal Corpse – A Skeletal Domain

The most brutal original Death Metal band in your Humanz world does it again. New Cannibal Corpse is blood-soaked in guitar solos, the cannibal blast, and Corpsegrinder’s (“usses Orc’s biggest fan”) face-melting throat punches, but this record is DARK! Cannibal Corpse sopped up all the blood up from their previous albums and wrung it out all over A Skeletal Domain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Goatwhore – Constricting Rage Of The Merciless

Whereas some bands may change/behead their producer for another Human to get a different sound, Goatwhore gets better and heavier with Eric Rutan. “Killer of all hooks” and “Ough!” Sammy and Ben offer up some tasty tusk smackin’ songs to get your Orc on with, while Zack plows new territory for backbeat on the blast. New Goatwhore rules and if you Humanz think otherwise, Cretos hopes you slug down a bucket of tusk drool.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 Iron Reagan – The Tyranny Of Will

Iron Reagan have been destroying stages all across your Human Northern America, without any breaks this year, and if you haven’t heard of them you must live with your stupid Dark Elves under a rock on some planted test tube study being watched by your Human Government. If that doesn’t make sense, then buy their new album and judge for yourself why Cretos has seen this band almost 50 times and it’s always the razor’s edge of thrash/crossover. Iron Reagan is going to Tusk You Up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Cannabis Corpse – From Wisdom To Baked

Humanz while you have troubles being un-green and writing to Cretos about how usses Orc’s are your superior overlords for being Green, Cretos knows what you need to solve all your problems. If Animal, Kermit, and Cookie Monster got baked could they make Death Metal? Cretos not know this answer. However, I Filthgrinder say to you Humanz… Cannabis Corpse is the only way you can become Green like Cretos.