LISTMANIA: AXEL STORMBREAKER’S TOP 15 DARK-HORSE RECORDS OF 2023 NO ONE GIVES A CRAP ABOUT

(Axel Stormbreaker returns… with a vengeance? This year’s Dark-Horse list pays tribute to Bruce Willis and to the original Die-Hard Trilogy.)

Hey there, your favorite hero’s back, Edgelord Superfvvcker. You know, just once, I’d like a regular, normal Christmas with eggnog, a fuckin’ Christmas tree, and a little turkey. But, nooo, no love for mr. Stormbreaker. All I gotta do is crawl around in this filthy tin can till its rust seeps into my overly exhausted patience.

That being said, I’ve been feeling very sad and a bit dry, hence why you haven’t been reading about any of my absurd recommendations. But it’s the end of the year, I do love lists (Yippee Ki-Yay), so maybe I should put in some effort for all you weird-looking freaks out there. What I give you is my ultimate Top-15 Dark-Horse List of 2023’s Records No One Gives a Crap About. Or what bands I’ve been digging lately, ones hopefully truly worthy of your support.

And yes, of course I watch the original Die Hard trilogy every Christmas. What kind of question is that? Big fan of Moonlighting too. I’m an old fuck.

 

15. Trippelgänger – Trip To Hell

Already been there and it’s better than this shithole. And red wine should keep you good company, as it’s the only liquor you enjoy when dining in Hell. Still, Denmark’s Trippelgänger do share all the gritty, seemingly preposterous characteristics of occult doom rock, without ending up the same black as the heart of the author. You only need to enjoy Black Sabbath, Corrosion of Conformity, Electric Wizard, or even ’70s classic rock, to realize why those pale grapes that grow in Hell may only taste bittersweet like the most profound, bizarre sensation.

 

14. Coffin Party – Coffin Party

Picture Die Kreuzen getting into a drunken, parking lot brawl with early Destruction, somewhere close-by a venue hosting a ’70s Motörhead show. It’s that exact kind of scary fun that’s also a bit indulging, played by prestigious people who ain’t too old to rock ‘n’ roll. I mean, I dunno about you, but to me, feeling too old would mean I’m probably heading towards my eventual demise. So I’d rather give it a pause and pick Coffin Party‘s messy freshness anytime, especially when it takes me back to eras all too absurd compared to the here and now.

 

13. Maledictus Eris – Occasus Mundi

One-man project from Guatemala. Hmm. A country I knew, basically, nothing of, until I heard this work of beauty. Fact is Occasus Mundi offers us a scarce mix of ’90s black metal in the vein of old Satyricon and Dissection, drenched in dark metal aesthetics not unlike the auroral shades of early ’00s Agalloch. And while I wouldn’t quite compare it to the aforementioned influences, for reasons all too obvious to explain, Arevalo‘s very persistence in crafting a style thoroughly distinctive grants some hard-sought points every musician is currently in search of.

 

12. Dusk – Rethrenody

Costa Rica’s Dusk is one of the most intricate industrial black metal acts you may ever encounter, thanks to their ever-evolving concern for subversive creativity. Even if it’s true their underground aesthetics may not always align with their extraterrestrial machinery in regulated, refined harmony. Still, just as The Relic provided the perfect background of an urban technological nightmare, Rethrenody‘s noisy, downtuned mechanical beats may well construct a deep-space narrative equal to the thrill of a classic, low-budget, alien gore movie. It’s such moments I’m thinking what a shame it is these guys don’t live in the States, ‘cos Hollywood would have been in great need of their services.

P.S.: “Reblackened” was a fun treat. For real.

 

11. Shoushitsu – Black Ash

New band, fresh sound, old shit we dig on each and all occasions. Black Ash sounds somewhat close to a bastardized mixture of early Obituary with Sadistic Intent, possibly from the demos/Resurrection era. I’m referring to that rotten, thrashy, condemning doom, as well as the grimmest moments of early Celtic Frost. Add to that how the band states “may the workers of the world unite, their castles will be laid to waste” and you’ll realize their stance is a political one, thus deeply rooted in old-school ’80s punk.

An absolute banger, if I may say. You’ll be crazy not to enjoy this one.

 

10. Vulnus – Promo 2023

I immensely dig Inveracity and fucking crave for more Suffocation and this sounds like a bastard offspring of their finest elements. I’ll admit here, brutal death metal is not my thing, but this promo took me back to the days the said genre wasn’t all too polished and overproduced. Plus, for some incomprehensible reason, the way their drummer looks, or even pounds his drum kit, reminded me of some Bud Spencer college version, Banana Joe style. And that alone makes a reason good enough for all you carnivorous freaks out there to check the most genuinely foul Greek death metal band I’ve heard since… Dead Congregation?

 

9. Amalekim – Avodah Zarah

For some reason I can’t quite explain, this sounds like what Krzysztof‘s Batushka could have been, at least in regards to their hypothetical second album. I mean, I get how such types of black metal are appealing to people’s tastes, but the use of whoo-whoo psalms just bores the hell out of me. It’s a good thing Amalekim choose to focus on primal riffs instead, sharpened like the knife of a hunter who’s lurking in the woods waiting for his kill. Avodah Zarah sounds ethereal, evoking, alluring, in the sense any mystical black metal ever should be. But it’s also daringly dangerous, armed to its very teeth, reminding us what this genre has always been about and how it should ever be.

 

8. Host – IX

Not quite a Dark-Horse record, I know. But still, Host has and always will be Paradise Lost‘s most infamous album to date. Truth be told, what I haven’t disclosed in my earlier review is how its very aesthetic (both musically and visually) feels oddly reminiscent of Eden House‘s Half Life. And while I do enjoy this fun project, I keep thinking of all the hypothetical, submerged elements that could have transformed this work of art up into a freaking masterpiece. But, okay, fuck that, I’m such an ungrateful idiot. The record is just fine the way it is, and may I say, it feels thoroughly more concise compared to their last three full-lengths under their main brand’s moniker.

 

7. Lunar Tombfields – An Arrow To The Sun

Lunar Wheatfields, eh, sorry, Tombfields is a French black metal duo focusing on long tracks driven by spiraling, auroral guitar leads. I think what’s great here is how they maintain their black metal foundations whilst dwelling feverishly in their agricultural concerns. Quite simply, the band derives as much influence from their forefathers, as much from their late ’00s post-black scene. An Arrow to the Sun is no straight weapon, but an arch bridge, connecting the past to the present, in hope for a future ridden of prejudice and discontent. And it sounds fucking awesome too, so you’d better hop along before those who “heard Lunar Tombfields before you were even born” show up to claim their rightful credit.

 

6. One of Nine – Eternal Sorcery

I swear to Ilúvatar, it’s one of the best black metal records I’ve heard in a good while. If you love Dissection, Dissection, Emperor, Dissection, ’90s Mayhem, early Ulver, as well as the finest moments of newer USBM, it’s an instant purchase you won’t be getting enough of. May I say, I actually won a bet regarding their country of origin, as when the album first streamed in full, there was no related page on Metal Archives, or any concrete information about the band itself and its members. Which is a good thing, ‘cos the sole fact they integrated their Nordic culture in their American sound means this band is here to stay. It’s no one-hit wonder, no hooded hyped construct meant only to draw your eyes. Unless they fuck things up themselves, of course, one can never tell how things turn out for any band in the future.

 

5. Carma – Ossadas

Simply put, Carma‘s Ossadas is not an album. They’re not even a band, in this regard. Call them a roaring river, one that’s cleansing a sickness not unlike some mental blend of parasitic mold. Ossadas is meant to sound beautiful, arguably controversial, sufficiently fearsome, yet auroral like a man’s dying breath. I can’t get over the fact Carma surpassed their boundaries, all by crafting a masterpiece of art that still pays faithful tribute to basic directives of funeral doom metal. As if one man’s hope may well equal another person’s torment. But the question still remains here, what lies beyond and what’s left to hope for in the eventuality of death eternal?

 

4. City Kings – Steel Rock ‘n’ Roll

Total Motörhead worship. Think of a nastier version of Portland’s Burning Leather. Or just of a tight combination of Motör-eras, somewhat close to Bastards-meets-Iron–Fist-meets-Infernö, perhaps. It may not be the best, but it’s definitely the most genuinely fun record I heard all year. It’s fast, straightforward, party music that pretty much summarizes what their main influence has always been about, what we freakishly love about this all-time classic declaration: “Hello! We are Motörhead and we play rock ‘n’ roll”.

 

3. NFD – Trinity

New NFD material after a decade of silence is quite a thing for gothic rock. And despite their extended absence, they sound more vigorous and mature than ever. Trinity chooses to invest further in alluring depth, by amplifying its underlying emotions to an extent equivalent to God-fearing awe. It’s that crimson atmosphere seeping through your senses, in a manner so subtle you are bound to play the infernal role of a protagonist spiraling down to the realms of Dante’s Inferno. Either that, or I just had too much wine to drink; a brand of liquor I tend to dislike, but exceptions are made when the occasion calls for.

 

2. Dozer – Drifting in the Endless Void

I waited an entire decade for this and it didn’t disappoint. No wonder, since I belong to those old goats who first got into stoner rock with Kyuss, Fu Manchu, Nebula, Sasquatch, and generally, this type of riff-driven music. Not that I don’t like the newer fuzzy bands too, but when we’re talking about stoner rock, this is how it’s supposed to sound. Can’t also say I didn’t love their Queens of the Stone Age elements, even though they do infect its spontaneousness in rather distinctive parts. But still, it’s what 2023’s Dozer are supposed to be doing, reveling in youthfulness, groove, unearthly beauty, as if Jesus fuckin’ Christ Superstar arose from his grave, gloriously reborn.

 

1. Credimus – Askesis

And yet another year my no1 pick is an album released by a Russian band. Don’t ask me how on earth that happened. All I know is Askesis is flawless in each and every regard; it’s robust, ethereal and concise, occasionally suffocating the listener prior to allowing a breeze of fresh air flowing through its cracks. It reaps all benefits from the finest blends of black, death and funeral doom metal, while adapting its fundamental principles on each subsequent track. It’s passionate, ominous and ever-condemning; pure brilliance I just can’t get enough of no matter its short running length. Had this been released by a prestigious label, I’m telling you, my best guesses would have been either Profound Lore, or I, Voidhanger Records.

And to any of you who may think I’m exaggerating, I dare you to find the flaw. Apart from the obvious fact it’s only 30 minutes long. It leaves you wanting for more, so I can’t call it a bad thing, necessarily.