“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 47)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  13 Responses »
Nov 252011
 

What do you do when you see shit that makes you think, “Fuck, that’s metal!”, even though it’s not music? What I do is save it up and then periodically throw it your way in this series, which focuses mainly on videos, photos, and news items.

This is an all-video installment of THAT’S METAL! It’s going to be a slow build from the first one to the last one. I don’t really have a choice, because the last one is so fucking ridiculous that everything else would seem pretty meh by comparison if I ran it first. So, here’s what lies ahead: a very weird cloud phenomenon; a flamboyant cuttlefish; yet another emissary of Cthulhu entering our dimension; brick carrying like you won’t believe; and that last one . . . which is just lights-out nuts.

ITEM ONE

It’s no secret: I like clouds. Cumulonimbus clouds are those big, white fluffy ones that look like giant cotton balls. They can store up huge amounts of electric energy, which sometimes results in lightning strikes. Those clouds also contain ice crystals that themselves can hold static electric charges. The ice crystals, particularly needle-shaped crystal, tend to become aligned with the electric fields within the clouds.

When something happens to the field, such as a lightning discharge, the field re-forms and the crystals realign. When the sun is reflecting off a sheet of ice crystals in a cloud when they realign, the change is visible — and it’s fucking metal to see it happen, which is what’s shown on the first video after the jump. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 46)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  27 Responses »
Oct 302011
 

Here we go again — the latest installment of this series in which we feature videos, images, and news items that we think are metal, even though they’re not music. I have five items for you today. They involve sharks in a trance, humans in a slingshot, ESPNS, a blue devil horse — and a trippy bonus item.

ITEM ONE

Cristina Zenato is an Italian scuba diver who has mastered an unusual (and certifiably insane) technique: she can put sharks into a trance. According to this article, she induces the “tonic” state in sharks by rubbing the “Ampullae of Lorenzini” — which is the name of hundreds of jelly-filled pores around the shark’s nose and mouth. Those pores act as electroreceptors that detect prey moving in the electromagnetic field around the shark – but also, for some reason rubbing them produces that “tonic” state.

A “tonic” state is a natural state of paralysis in sharks that lasts for about 15 minutes. It can happen when they’re turned upside down. It also appears to happen when you rub their Ampullae of Lorenzini. Of course, to rub those pours, you’ve got to put your hand really close to the part of the shark that can bite off your whole fucking arm.

Cristina Zenato isn’t quite as nuts as it might seem at first. Although she’s been working with sharks for more than 15 years, she still wears a chain link suit in case one of the animals is tempted to make a meal from her body parts. But watching what she does is still awe-inspiring. (more after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 45)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  16 Responses »
Oct 092011
 

Sheesh, it’s been almost a solid month since I found time for one of these posts. That’s what I call falling down on the job! In an effort to make up for all the slacking off, I’ve rounded up five items that caught my eye. For any new readers who joined us in the last month, this series of posts collects videos, news items, and/or photos that I think are metal, even though they’re not music. All of today’s items are visual in nature, and credit goes to the incomparable TYWKIWDBI blog for all of them. Ready, set, go!

ITEM ONE

The first item is the image you see at the top of this post. Look at the squares labeled A and B. They are exactly the same color. No shit. The proof of that can be seen in the image to the right, in which cross-bars have been laid over the original image. You can see how the bars blend equally with the two squares. I see this and I still don’t quite believe it, and I don’t know the explanation for why my eyes see the squares as having different colors. As illusions go, I think it’s metal.

If you’re still skeptical, there’s video of this same illusion right after the jump. I suppose the highly skeptical among you might think there’s some kind of trickery going on in the video, but the creator insists there isn’t. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC: NEXT-LEVEL S’MORES

 IQ Subtraction, That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  29 Responses »
Sep 272011
 

Bacon strips, bitches. Authentic camping experience, complete with acetylene campfire starter and urine streams to bring the heat down to proper marshmallow-roasting temperature. Candied bacon strips and Jack Daniels and drizzling chocolate and layering the shit three and four across. And of course stuffing your fucken face with it when it’s all done. That’s metal. That’s all I got to say about this shit.

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 44)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  35 Responses »
Sep 182011
 

Man, time does fly. More than six weeks have passed since the last installment of this series. With so many days drifting by like tumbleweeds on the prairie, I’ve accumulated lots of potential items, including recommendations from our readers. I’ll have to save some of them for the future or this post would go on and on and on, and I know my metalheads, so the last thing I wanna do is overtax your limited attention spans.

What we do in this series is feature images, videos, occurrences, and other items that we think are metal, even though they’re not music. Today, we’re going to start off with a couple of photos and then go from there.

ITEM ONE

You’re looking at Item One at the top of this post. You get one guess what that is. If you guessed the cover art for the next Graveworm album, you’re close, but no cigar.  If you guessed an image of a hydrothermal worm made with a scanning electron microscope, congratulations. These worms are deep-sea creatures and live near hydrothermal vents in the ocean floor. They are very small — almost as small as a bacterium. This photo magnifies the worm 525 times. The true width of the field captured in this photo is actually 568/1000 of a millimeter.

I don’t know about you, but I’m really fuckin’ glad these things aren’t the size of sharks, or pro football linemen. And as far as I’m concerned, they can stay down on the ocean floor. The original of this image is here. Thanks to our buddy Ullr for the tip on this photo. Our remaining items are after the jump. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 43): THE BLUE FUCKING ANGELS

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  9 Responses »
Aug 042011
 

In Seattle, the city near the metallic island that NCS calls home, there is a summer tradition called Seafair, which is just about to begin. It’s been going on since the 1950s. It involves things like hydroplane racing on Lake Washington, a Boeing air show, music concerts (no metal, of course), both US and Canadian naval warships on parade, human parades, and copious drinking and eating. But my favorite part of the festival is the air show put on by The Blue Angels.

For those of you living outside the US, The Blue Angels are a squadron of Navy pilots who perform aerial acrobatics using F/A-18 Hornet aircraft flying at the speed of holyfuckwhatwasthat! They perform for 2 days in a row (this weekend), and they have practice runs for two days before the performance (the first of which happened to be today). They’re loud — louder than a drunken fuck in a thin-walled motel. In fact, they’re so distracting that a major interstate highway in their flight path is shut down when they’re practicing and performing. You can imagine how drivers feel about that.

Yes, The Blue Angels are metal, but that’s actually not what this post is about. What this post is about is an Onion-style piece of reporting about The Blue Angels in an internet mag called The Seattle Salmon. It so perfectly captures the tight-sphincter side of Seattle culture, and it’s so goddamned hilarious that I have to put it up, verbatim, right after the jump. It is definitely metal. The title of the piece? “Seattle’s Pussies Prepare To Bitch About The Blue Fucking Angels”. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 42): FUCK THE WORD FUCK, I’LL REPLACE IT WITH A CHAINSAW. AND MY DOG HAS A TUMOR. I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  14 Responses »
Aug 012011
 

July 29, 2011. That was four days ago, right? This video was posted on that day. As of the time I scheduled this post for publication, it had already garnered 1.025,448 hits on YouTube. And no wonder.

Some people would say this is music, and therefore wouldn’t qualify for this series of things that are metal but AREN’T music. But I beg to differ. This is NOT music. But it is metal. It is also fucking hysterical.

I have only one more thing to say: Thank you ElvisShotJFK for the tip to this bit of awesomeness. It may be the pinnacle of 2,000 years of Western civilization. Or it may be a sign of the Apocalypse. If this puppy doesn’t generate comments, then I don’t fucking know what will.

And by the way, fuck toasters, just fuck them. And chairs, fuck them, too. Just FUCK. EVERYTHING.

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 41)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  14 Responses »
Jul 172011
 

Yessir, it’s time for another installment in this series where we collect miscellaneous items that aren’t music but still make us think, “Fuck, that’s some metal shit right there!” Once again, we had help from a few of our readers, who will be duly credited by us (and perhaps blamed by you) for their contributions. We have quite a lot of killer items today, so let’s just just dive right in.

ITEM ONE

Our first item is really a series of items, all of which appeared in a feature at Cracked.com called “8 Real Photographs That Prove Hell Exists On Earth” (credit/blame to our reader Black Shuck who pointed us to this feature). Not only are all the photos metal as fuck, but the accompanying descriptions are also funny as shit. For example, here’s the narrative accompanying the photo at the top of this post:

“If doves are the messengers of the Lord, then the Satanic Leaf Tailed Gecko is probably Old Scratch’s preferred postal carrier. Though you should know that these guys are utterly harmless. They’re tiny — usually two to five inches long — and are endemic to the little island of Madagascar. So you’re not likely to stumble across one in the first place, and it certainly won’t hurt you if you do.

“It won’t hurt you at all. It needs you.

“It might ask you to hurt others, though. Oh, softly enough at first, in half-heard whispers borne on the wind, but they will grow louder, more frequent and more insistent — until one day you wake up to find yourself in a bathtub filled with liquid that used to be your family. And what will the Satanic Leaf Tailed Gecko do? Why, just take a gander at that picture again: It will smile, friends. It will smile.”

(more after the jump)

Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 40)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  11 Responses »
Jul 062011
 

Here we go with our latest installment of THAT’S METAL! — where we gather together photos, videos, and news about items that made us think, “Fuck, that’s metal!”, even though they’re not music. We have five items for today. Ready, set, GO!

ITEM ONE (THE EMISSARY OF CTHULHU)

I woke up this morning and staggered outside to make sure the lorises hadn’t taken over the NCS compound while I was sleeping, and what should greet my bloodshot eyes but a pair of giant moths that looked like they’d entered our world from another dimension. One of these things would have made me jump out of my shorts. Seeing two of them convinced me that time is running out and the Elder Gods are about to return and lay waste to our world. Sheeeeit.

I took the photo above of one of the moths, and a photo of the second one is after the jump. Both of the mosts are about 3 1/2 inches in length. Surely we have an entomologist or two out there who can tell us what these things are. Yeah, right.

And if you think these fuckers are strange, wait ’til you see the disgusting creature featured in Item Two. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 39)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  21 Responses »
Jul 022011
 

Man oh man, have we got a boffo THAT’S METAL! installment for you today. I did have lots of help — suggestions from NCS readers Ullr, ElvisShotJFK, and Phro. Lots of material, all of which are items that we think are metal, even if they’re not music (or not entirely music). So, with no further fucking around, let’s get to it:

ITEM ONE

Thanks to Ullr, I have a news report that includes all these facts:

  • In Australia, there’s an ocean tour operator named Matt Waller who makes a good living taking tourists out for a look at Great White sharks (you know, the really big, prehistoric motherfuckers that were in all the Jaws movies)
  • Many of the tourists Mr. Waller takes out on his boat want to see Great Whites up close and personal, so he lowers them down into the water in shark cages (is this metal, or is this just severe mental impairment?)
  • Mr. Waller has discovered that he can lure Great White sharks into the vicinity of the shark cages by playing metal underwater — specifically, AC/DC. He says it works better than chum. According to Waller, “We know the AC/DC music works best by trial and error, and we are doing more research to see what works best with different species of shark.”
  • The AC/DC songs that work best are “You Shook Me All Night Long” and “If You Want Blood”. (Is this perfect, or what?)
  • Mr. Waller says: “Quite often we see the sharks on the surface, but most of the time our guests want to get in the cage and see them up close. I’ve seen the sharks rub their faces on the cage where the sound is coming from as if to feel it.” (Ain’t that just too fucken cute?)

(more after the jump . . .)

Continue reading »

 Older Entries  Newer Entries