“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 38)

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Jun 172011
 

It’s time for another edition of THAT’S METAL!, where we take time off from our usual focus on music and collect items we’ve seen recently that aren’t music, but that we still thought were metal. We’ve got four items today, all visual in nature. The last three are amazing videos, all of which have a hypnotic quality. Departing from our usual format for these posts, we’re throwing in some musical choices of our own (metal, of course) as accompaniment for two of these items. Here we go:

ITEM ONE

Chefchaoen is a town in the North African nation of Morocco, located in the Rif Mountains. It was founded in 1471 — and virtually the entire town was at some point painted in the powder-blue color of tekhelel, a natural dye made of shellfish. Tekhelel isn’t available any more, but the tradition has carried on through the centuries. The shades of blue now vary, but the effect is still striking.

As far as I can tell, there’s no law in the town which commands people to paint everything blue. The fact that people do it anyway, to keep alive something so unusual, is pretty fucking metal. More photos follow after the jump, and you can see even more of them here. Your musical accompaniment for these images comes to you from the late, great Acid Bath from an album called When The Kite String Pops (right after the jump). Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 37)

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Jun 052011
 

Yes, it’s time for another edition of THAT’S METAL!, in which we creep timidly outside our metallic island, risking our peace of mind through exposure to the “real world” in order to find news items, videos, or photos of things that aren’t music but still make us think, “shit, that’s metal.” Like that photo up above. That’s a creepy little fucker, don’t you think? Those paws look uncomfortably like hands, and those claws look ready to rend and tear. Do you know what that creature is? I’ll tell you after the jump, but I’ll say now that these animals don’t look nearly so metal when they grow up.

But before we get to that, take a look at this:

Looks like a cool new album cover, doesn’t it? Maybe for some prog or stoner metal band? We’ve devoted lots of space to album art this past week, but this isn’t an album cover. I’ll tell you what this is, too . . . after the jump. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 36): THE PISS CHRIST EDITION

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May 222011
 

Today we have a special edition of THAT’S METAL! It seemed like an appropriate day for this, since yesterday has passed, the world has not ended, and so fas as I know, there haven’t been any documented instances of anyone taken up into the clouds by The Rapture. But this edition of THAT’S METAL! isn’t going to be what you probably think it will be.

Having some vicious fun at the expense of one goofball evangelical minister or his delusional goofball followers would be too easy, and it wouldn’t cause anyone to do any actual thinking. And while it’s true that provoking serious thought isn’t part of the official NCS mission statement, on rare occasions we do make a stab at it. Today will be one of those days.

So, if you read the title of this post and were expecting cynical mockery of self-styled prophets of Judgment Day, or Christianity, or even religion generally, you won’t find that here (at least not today). There is a connection between the fallacious May 21 Rapture prediction and the point(s) of this post, but it may not be obvious.

And as for the point(s) of this post, well, I don’t intend to make that explicit either, mainly because I don’t really get off on preaching, or listening to preaching, for that matter. Besides, this post has as much to do with what makes good and bad art (including metal music) as it does with anything else. So, draw your own conclusions — and if you start to get bored, you can just skip to the bottom of the post and listen to some actual metal. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 35)

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May 082011
 

All sorts of things are metal, even though they don’t involve music. That’s what this series is about. Things can be metal for many different reasons. In general, people, places, things, and occurrences are metal because they’re awe-inspiring. But not everything that’s awe-inspiring is metal. Natural wonders, architectural marvels, and great works of art can be awe-inspiring in their beauty, but you wouldn’t call all of them “metal”, or at least I wouldn’t. An element of brutality will help something qualify for the term, as will an element of “otherness” — something that’s unconventional, something that’s rare and maybe even weird and unexpected, or something that appeals to the anarchic impulse in most metalheads.

Having said that, I also find myself applying the term “metal” to things that are just off-the-hook ridiculous or bizarre. Maybe that’s just me. To be clear, I don’t think everything that’s ridiculous is metal. Donald Trump is ridiculous, and bizarre. So is Dancing With the Stars. But they are definitely not metal.

I think it helps if ridiculous behavior is self-destructive. Like what happened to the dude’s hand pictured over to the right, which we featured in a previous installment of this series. I thought this was pretty fucking metal. I thought the same thing about the dog who chewed off his master’s gangrenous toe while the guy was passed out in an alcoholic stupor (here).

Anyway, most of today’s offerings fall into the “ridiculous” category of non-musical metal. I’ll just leave it at that. See for yourself after the jump. Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 34)

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Apr 182011
 

Almost three weeks have passed since our last THAT’S METAL! post, which is way too fucking long. I’m still not able to devote as much time to NCS these days as I’d like (one more week to go before back to normal, or abnormal), so this edition of THAT’S METAL! won’t feature as many items as usual — but better something than nothing, right?

The main item we’ve got today involves mayhem, wreckage, and loud noises — which is why it’s metal, even though it’s not music. It made me wonder why people entertain themselves by destroying shit and making explosive sounds, or entertain themselves by watching the destruction of shit in ways that make explosive sounds. Actually, using the word “people” is probably an overstatement, since men seem to get off on this kind of entertainment more than women. I wonder why that is.

Whatever the explanation, maybe it’s the same reason why there are more male than female fans of extreme metal. If you have any theories about these questions, don’t be bashful about sharing them in the Comments.

As you ponder those weighty subjects, entertain yourselves after the jump by watching a bunch of Finns in the throes of temporary vehicular insanity. Cars seem to have that effect on men more than women, too. Wonder why that is. Continue reading »

THIS AND THAT

 RANDOM FUCKING MUSIC, That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  37 Responses »
Apr 082011
 

As I forecast, today I’m starting a two-week stretch when I probably won’t be able to write a new post every day. I have some longer posts about new music in the works that I haven’t been able to get done yet, though I hope I can finish some of them soon. But, because I’m running out of time, today’s post will be pretty random. I also hope you’ll find some fun in it.

I should have a few of my own posts to run here and there over the next two weeks, but you can expect lots of guest posts, too — because I’m fucking delighted to say that people have responded enthusiastically to my open appeal for help.  I’ve already received a half-dozen, I know more are coming from people who’ve e-mailed me, and I bet still more will arrive over the next two weeks that I’m not even expecting yet. If you want to do this, there’s still time. Just check out some “rules” here.

Now, for today: I’ve got something that could have fit quite nicely in a THAT’S METAL! post, but I haven’t yet collected enough other items to fill one out — so I’m using it today. But I also wanted to include some new metal, so this turned into just a random mishmash of unconnected stuff — a video about the latest dance/fashion craze from Matehuala, Mexico that you won’t fucking believe, and a brand new song from Scar Symmetry. Check it after the jump . . . Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 33)

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Mar 292011
 

Do you know about EPIC MEAL TIME? It’s some kind of ongoing, web-only video series. The motto is “We make your dreams come true, and then we eat them.” I didn’t know about this thing until earlier today when a video link from a Facebook friend led me to the latest installment in the series, which was just uploaded.

I don’t know if what happens in this video is the template for all the installments, but in this one, a bunch of armed dudes (the Epic Meal Time crew, no doubt) walk into an Indian restaurant, take it over at gunpoint, and oversee the preparation of a meal — the centerpiece ingredient of which is curry candied bacon.

I was going to save this thing until I had enough additional items for a full THAT’S METAL! post, but it’s just so fucking awesome that I couldn’t wait. Here were my reactions as I watched:

Why is he sniffing her scarf? Bacon goes with everything, right? Why didn’t I think of bacon-curry Jack Daniels shots? I want my own man-bread. I’m getting queasy. Now I’m getting hungry. Now I’m getting queasy again. I would not want to be near the john when these dudes take their next shit.

Go for it after the jump . . . and be sure to share your own thoughts in the comments. Disgusting or delectible? Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 32)

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Mar 272011
 


We could call this installment “The Phro Edition” of THAT’S METAL!, because he contributed our lead item for today — and it doesn’t even involve tentacle porn. But it’s still nasty.

For any newcomers in the audience, this series of posts focuses on random things out in the non-metallic world that we think are metal, despite the fact that they’re not music. We run these posts on an irregular basis primarily because we don’t enjoy venturing out into the non-metallic world any more than absolutely necessary. We find that world, more often than not, to be depressing, needlessly cruel, and often astoundingly stupid, even by our own primitive standards of intelligence. To be clear, we’re talking about the human non-metallic world, which perhaps explains why so many of out THAT’S METAL! items involve the non-human world.

Today, we have four items for you: slaughter on an epic scale by creatures that are beyond moral judgment (unlike humans who engage in slaughter on an epic scale); images from the artistic tradition of memento mori (new and old); two girls and a box (uh huh); and a breathtaking slideshow which proves that maybe human beings aren’t complete wastes of oxygen.

ITEM ONE

Th Phro contribution we’re featuring is a video of 30 giant Japanese hornets slaughtering 30,000 European bees in the space of 3 hours. You’ll see at the end why they did this. It’s fucking brutal — made even more brutal by the verbiage in the narration. (follow along after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 31)

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Mar 092011
 

I’ve noticed that when we run these THAT’S METAL! posts, the traffic on our site goes down. Could it be that I’m not as funny as I think I am?  No, that can’t possibly be the explanation. Lots of people tell me I’m funny. They usually say that when I’m trying to be dead serious. But still.

Could it be that people come here to read about or listen to music instead of non-music idiocy? I guess that’s plausible. Certainly more plausible than me not being funny. So, I’ll probably put up another post today that’s actually about music. And, to hedge my bets, no stupid news stories or tasteless commentary in this post. Instead, at least for today, I’m returning to what we used to do with this series when it first started — let the images and the stories speak for themselves (more or less).

Like that photo up above. It’s not the latest in father-and-daughter black-metal fashion. It’s a photo called “Día de los Muertos” that became a finalist for Smithsonian magazine’s 8th annual photo contest. I thought it was metal, which is what this series is all about — things that are metal but aren’t music. Other photo finalists can be viewed here.

I’ve got  few more random photos to come — and one of the coolest, most amazing videos I’ve seen in ages — but first, the complete awesomeness that is . . . the mudskipper.  (after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

“THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (NO. 30)

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Feb 262011
 

Here we go again: a round-up of news items and other stuff that made us think, “That’s metal!”, even though it’s not music.  As usual, we’re adding our own tasteless commentary at no additional charge — and given the nature of the first two items today, our commentary is even more tasteless than usual. Let’s get right to it:

ITEM ONE

I don’t know about you, but I was bottle-fed as a baby, or so I’m told. Since those long-ago days, breast-feeding has made a resurgence. So have breast pumps for new mothers who work and want to store up bottles of the white stuff for their babies when they’re not around.

It was only a matter of time before some creative entrepreneur realized the possibilities of bottled breast milk — and the time has arrived. If only I lived in London, I could finally get the breast milk that was denied me as a baby. The wait might even have been worth it, because now you can get it in an ice cream cocktail with whiskey.  (more after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

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