(A message from Phro . . .)
This band needs neither introduction nor apologies.
Eat it, Korn.
HUGS, KISSES AND SQUIDS!
Phro
(P.S. from Your Editor: After the jump, pro video of Baby Metal playing “Doki Doki Morning” and something else live. Yeah, motherfuckers, we goin’ all in.) Continue reading »
In the metal world, there seems to be a lot of anger, hate, filth, and skullfucking. I approve of this. In fact, I approve of this so hard that I sometimes get rage boners for no other reason than that I love how much negativity there is in the metal world. That said, a bit of humor goes a long way to making a good band a great band. And a shitty band an almost tolerable band.
But what we don’t have (for better or for worse) is much cuteness.
Now, that’s to be expected when you get a lot of misanthropes, bitter assholes, badasses, and posers all in the same general area. (I’ll let you decide for yourself which one of the four you are.) But, hey, it’s the weekend, so you have some free time to remove the corpse paint, take off the studded bracelets, hide in your room, and indulge in a little childish, high-pitched squealing and giggling.
BABY METAL
Baby Metal has released a new video. I love it. I’m not being ironic, sarcastic, or coy. It’s just fucking absolutely nothing more than shitty Jpop with a few rejected riffs and some random douchebag doing “death metal growls” in the background. But I still love it. (I may have brain damage.) Continue reading »
(Phro saves the day! Correctly guessing that your humble editor would roll out of bed this morning hung over and without anything to post at NCS, he wrote this and left it waiting in my e-mail in-box . . .)
How’s the hangovers, motherfuckers???
Islander seemed like he wasn’t expecting to be fully operational today, what with his liquid cephalic medicinal procedure expecting to go all night. (Although, inquiring minds would still like to know how a headless Glorious Leader from 2199 is able to both survive without a steady supply of monkey blood AND run the greatest, most amazingest, mindblowingly stupendous blog in the universe. The official Phro guess is anabolic steroids and coffee.)
Anyway, I thought I’d write up a quick list of videos I found this morning.
First, DEAtHtUNE (the holy-fuck-his-beard-is-more-awesome-than-ZZ-Top-in-a-headlock-by-a-70s-porn-star Iranian band featured before on NCS, such as here, has a new video. It is bassy as fuck. It’s like Jupiter just strolled over and sat down next to you and crushed you with it’s massive fucking gravity. If your testicles/ovaries don’t swell with excitement, you’re clearly dead and should see a doctor about that. But maybe listen to the song one more time before you go, just to make sure that you were listening properly. Continue reading »
(The time has come. What time is that? Why, it’s the time when we begin publishing our own series on the best metal of 2011 — lists created by our writers, guest contributors, and members of metal bands who we’ve specially invited to share with us their lists. And what better way to start than by turning to Phro for the kick-off?)
Ahhh . . . 2011, how quickly you came and . . . went? Are going? Let’s just stick with came for now.
What a year it has been! I think. I don’t really remember it. I think there was something to do with tentacles and a few zombie girls. Seriously, someone please make the whole zombie/vampire/werewolf thing stop happening. Please. I’m begging you. I can only take so much pithy teen angst foisted upon poor hapless creatures of the night. GIVE THEM BACK THEIR BALLS, DAMNIT!!!
Seriously. And wizards, too. Enough of that shit.
Oh, right, and there was music, too. Particularly metal music. Particularly good metal music. (Anyone who ever utters the words, “It’s been a bad year for metal,” should go out behind the chicken chopping shed and punch themselves in the throat with a rooster. You fucking lazy scum fucker.) But it`s the end of the year, and it’s not enough to simply say there was a lot of it. You people from the Internet want proof all of the sudden! You freaks with your memes and your porn and your meme porn and your porn memes. And your rules!!! So many rules! Well, I have a new rule for you. Rule number 0.5. It states, quite clearly: anything that can be made into furry-rape-scat porn should be made into furry-rape-scat porn and then broadcasted on CNN, FOX, and MSNBC until foxes look sexy. (But only when they`re covered in poop.)
Poop, poop, poop, poop . . . poop . . . poooooooooooooop . . . Continue reading »
Video Day here at NCS continues . . .
So far, in order, we’ve featured Metachaos, Vaulting, and Vallenfyre, and that trajectory leads naturally to . . . Baby Metal? Or is it Babymetal?
Seriously, the only reason I’m doing this is to see what kind of commentary it provokes from Phro when he emerges from his lair over in The Land of the Rising Sun. Because my reaction upon seeing this at MetalSucks was pretty much captured by Axl’s comments: “OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS DID SOMEONE PUT ACID IN MY COFFEE THIS MORNING BEC I CAN’T EVEN – WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT”
My brain is too scrambled to even come up with a sufficiently effective palate-cleanser. So instead, I’ll just show you this (after the jump) . . . Continue reading »