I love many things. I will not name all of them today, because I don’t want to get too personal. I will just name a few of them, so you will feel like you know me better. That way, we can become closer friends, and perhaps do some internet bonding. If I told you all the things I love, this would take a long time, and we might not be friends after I was finished, because maybe some of the things I love would repulse you. Probably not, but I feel it’s better to stick with the things that you’re likely to love as much as I do.

Like zombies. Everyone loves zombies, right? Or at least, everyone loves the idea of zombies. I don’t know anyone who has actually met a zombie. It’s possible that if I met an actual zombie, I would not love it. I would instead be trying to stop it from eating my brain. I think it would be difficult to love something that was trying to eat my brain. I do like certain intoxicants, and from what I understand, many of them are slowly eating my brain, a few cells at a time. But a zombie would want to eat the whole thing, in a hurry. So, I think you can only love a zombie that you don’t personally know, like love in a very abstract way.

I love death metal, too. I basically love all flavors of death metal. I just wanna hug all of death metal — I know it’s crazy, I can’t hug all of death metal, but I just want to! I have a particular weakness for really ill, old-school, super-downtuned, spinning-chainsaw death metal — the kind that goes well with zombies. Actually, to be precise, the kind played by, for, and about zombies. Everyone likes that kind of music, right? So, confessing this kind of love should make me more popular. And since I have a new video from Puteraeon for you that pretty much epitomizes this kind of music, I’ll be, like, the most popular person in your life!

I love cats, too, and cats love me, so you should, too. Many people like cats. Some people like them with a very intense feeling. I have video evidence of that. Watching this video makes me feel like a more normally balanced person. I think it will make you feel that way, too. I think this is why people sometimes enjoy watching unbalanced people, because it makes you feel more balanced, even when you secretly think you’re as unbalanced as your checkbook. The video also inspired me to write this post.

Did I mention that I love death metal? I love it when it has a blackened crust, because I am loving black metal more all the time, too. I have found a new song by Thromdarr that I love. I think you will love it, too. If you don’t, then you probably aren’t someone I would love, except in a very abstract way. (more sharing and bonding after the jump . . .) Continue reading »